♥ 小笨妹

SINGAPOREANS' NEW AGE DISEASES

DISEASES YOU MIGHT ALL HAVE TO WARN OTHERS ABOUT - BE IT NOW OR IN THE FUTURE!

As if we didn't have enough to worry about with the outbreaks of severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS), and now dengue, and now birdflu spreading to Europe, the Ministry of Health is now asking the public to be on the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases:

ASSMA
Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass. The
No.1 disease in Singapore. Civil servants are unusually at risk.

DIALARRHOEA
Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone to
share with them such important information as 'I'm now on the MRT' or
'I'm walking towards the car.' Victims can be recognized by large,
twitching thumb.

MEESLES
Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of instant noodles

MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS
Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Bintan, Batam and
China to take on additional brides. Middle-aged men are at significant risk.

YELLOW FEVER
Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction amongst
foreign talent/expatriates working in Singapore. Also known as
Pinkerton's Disease.

TOTONUS
Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression at finding out one has not struck the lottery.

HEAVYTITIS
Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several variant
strains: Heavytitis A, Heavytitis B, Heavytitis C and sometimes
Heavytitis DD.

CYBERTENSION
Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access.

DYEBETES
A compulsive need to colour one's hair. Reddish brown tints are the
most common symptoms, but health authorities have reported a new
strain of blond highlights.

CHICKEN TOX
Victims exhibit a great need to talk cock. Incurable and highly
contagious. Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by
good food and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially
susceptible.